Selfish
by Murasaki Kaida
Summary: HidaTema. Temari knows she might well be being selfish where Hidan's concerned.


I'm putting this as M for mature, just to be safe. Hidan has a potty mouth, after all. Written for Relwith the prompt of Hidan being Temari's religious teacher/teaching assistant. I changed this story a few times because I was never happy with it. I took a big risk here by trying to explore their relationship on a deeper, more subtle level when this is the first HidaTema I've written. I hope it isn't an epic fail. I've taken a whole new slant on Jashinism here to fit the AU world. Beta'd by Despaired Poet.

And, as ever, a HUGE thanks to Firefly for being an inspiring HidaTema author. If you haven't read Quotidian...WHY NOT?!

* * *

She was doing it again – drawing her fingernails over her forearms in feathery lines over and over, tickling the little hairs and raising goosebumps. If there was one thing Temari loved, it was how skin felt. Rough skin, soft skin, oily skin – she loved it all. Well, maybe not so much the oily skin.

Winter had arrived quickly and brought with it cold nights and the skeletons of oak leaves. They spiralled around the campus, breaking apart in the air and fluttering down under the light of the round lamps in the park. Ducks idled over the water of the large lake, stirring little ripples in the illuminated reflection of the austere building where her RE class was usually held.

_It's looking at me_, she thought. Then she stamped a booted foot onto the ground, grinding dead foliage. _What's the matter with me, for god's sake?_

Well – she knew what the matter with her was. But wasn't that the point of pride – that you couldn't even admit things to yourself? Like how what you might be doing is wrong, or naughty, or just plain ridiculous? Or even selfish?

Temari stepped up to the edge of the lake, abandoning her backpack on the moss-covered bench beneath the old towering oak. She bowed her spine to peer into the water; certain she wouldn't see anything in this light. It didn't occur to her that the streetlamp nearby might through her pale face back at her, and she winced at the fluttering expression on her face.

Why had she left her hair down? Why had she – the one who spurned all things feminine and potentially stereotypical – applied a little eyeliner and even the tiniest smudge of gloss?

She jumped when a heron swept over the lake to land on a reedy island in the middle. Temari swallowed, as though it could slow her heart, and close her eyes.

She normally liked the danger element. She really did.

"Hey."

Did this mean she was growing up?

Temari took a deep breath. "Hey."

Or did it mean this was truly, _truly_ dangerous?

He crouched down at the edge of the lake and his black velveteen shirt stretched tightly across the muscles of his back. His tongue was caught between his lips in that look of bovine concentration he did so well, and he fished around in the water to try and pry a Cola can free of the algae.

"Didn't do so good on your test."

Temari stood with her knees so tightly together her leg muscles protested. "Yeah. I saw."

He glanced over his shoulder, and even under the streetlamps his eyes were a brilliant violet. He pointed at her, strings of green lake-gunk hanging from his hand. "I feel like I've been wasting my time, seriously. All that extra work I put in..." He hesitated and licked his lips to try and hide the small smirk. "All that extra work, down the fucking drain like yesterday's toilet paper. You gotta meet me halfway, dumbass."

She glared at him but her voice box remained empty and her body refused to move. She could feel the blood rushing to her face like some kind of reverse avalanche. She felt like Holden Caulfield, facing Mr Spencer off while his mind is elsewhere. Didn't Holden think of ducks? Ducks like these ones on the lake, maybe? Did she leave a note on her test paper, saying 'It's okay if you flunk me '?

Temari grit her teeth. No, she was no Holden Caulfield and she wasn't failing everything like him either. Only RE. And even then, she wasn't sure if she was failing it because she sucked.

Past her pride, she had a feeling that she was playing the gilded guilt fiddle.

"I never got bad under professor Kakuzu," she said. Her words held none of the malice she'd intended, and he only laughed in response and tossed his hand in her direction. She gasped as the cold algae slapped against her bare leg just below the hemline of her skirt and plopped to the grass. "Bastard!"

"Bitch," he replied, and smoothed down his silver hair with his clean hand. He looked, she thought with no small amount of anger, like a Michaelangelo masterpiece. And it wasn't _fair_. It wasn't fair that she had to come here and be the 'grown up' when he looked like _that_. "I took over," he drawled, "because that money-grabbing freako has no fucking idea how to deal with teaching people about something as, uh...I dunno. 'Delicate' as a new religion. Especially Jashinism." He got the can free and tossed it over his shoulder. It clunked and hit the dirt path leading back to the main Campus of Arts. Temari watched it roll a little way until a dent in its side stopped it from going further.

"You could put that in the bin, you know."

"Really, that guy shouldn't be teaching religion at all. He's about as religious as a french-fry."

"Or I could do it if you're going to ignore me?"

He waved his hands around in the air. "I tried to start a conversation on all the fucking religious conflicts in the world, and know what he said?" He leant forward, his eyes wide. "He said 'who cares'. Seriously! A fucking RE teacher said that to me. You could'a blown me over with a spray of piss."

"Hmmm." Temari put a hand to her forehead and watched as he leapt to his feet and paced a little at the end of the lake – not so much agitated, but filled with life at the retelling of the story. Some silver strands fell in front of his face but he ignored them. The tip of one of them grazed his surprisingly full upper lip and Temari looked down.

"And I think he's really been influencing kids in the class, too!" He gestured at the building across the lake, as though the rest of the class were in there right now. "That loud kid, Uzumaki? Little fucker wrote a paper on Ancient Egyptians, and I swear the opening line was 'the Ancient Egyptians liked many different gods, because variety is the spice of life'."

Temari grinned. She couldn't help it.

"It's nuts! The only kid who's getting anywhere is that fucking prissy-boy, Uchiha. I had that little 'I'm-so-perfect' fop." He stared at Temari, and she looked away – distracting herself with the swaying rosary around his neck, tucked inside his shirt. "I thought maybe _you_ would make the fucking low pay worthwhile. You seemed to have two braincells to rub together. Seriously, chick – what's the deal?"

He put his hands on his hips and glared at her.

Temari shifted from foot to foot. The breeze had died down and somehow, it made it seem like she'd wandered into a world where only she existed and she'd gotten lost. She had no idea why it was so hard to open her mouth and just say what she'd asked him her for. She felt even more stupid for looking like she did, for making this into a mountain when it wasn't even a tiny mound of salt.

Well, it was a pretty big mountain of a mistake. But she should be clear-headed about it was all she meant. Not...dithering and confused.

"You're my teacher," she breathed. How weak she sounded.

He folded his arms and arched a brow at her. "Are you saying I fucking suck?"

Temari growled and ran a hand through her hair. "Read between the lines, moron. I'm...I'm saying I can't do this anymore." Shouldn't she feel a weight off of her shoulders? So why did she feel like she'd _gained_ weight, deep in the pit of her stomach?

He blinked, and cocked his head to the side in a puppy-like way. He wrinkled his nose. "You can't do RE anymore?"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Temari snapped. "This sneaking around! This...this _lying _and this _meaningless_ fling. Do you have any idea what would happen if someone found out?"

He frowned. "That what's bothering you?"

She exhaled in a loud gust.

"Or do you think you're prostituting yourself for a grade or some fucking dumb thing like that?"

Temari felt hit in the stomach. For a guy who usually seemed pretty dense, he sure knew how to hit the nail on the head sometimes. "I...I'm not – "

"I know that. Do you know that?" He snorted. "I just fucking failed you, didn't I? If you were dropping your panties for me for that reason I'd have given you top marks already, seriously. If that was the deal you wanted, you should have said – "

"Fuck you!" Her eyes clouded a little and she blinked them clear again. "You know that's not it!"

"Then stop being a kid, seriously!" He flung his hands up in the air, moving them around with his words in almost manic ways. "Okay, so maybe it's wrong to fuck your student but you know, what everyone says is wrong isn't always _wrong_."

"That sounds like an idiot's logic," Temari muttered. But his words were sending her back through memories of sweaty skin and rough thrusts that made the cheap dorm beds squeal and quake. It had never occurred to her that he was a teacher or a moron in those moments. In those moments...he was Hidan, and he knew all of the right places to touch her and make her hot where everyone else made her cold.

"Yeah, okay, what we're doing is a fucking sin. It's wrong. Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "Jashin doesn't say anything about not fucking your students. Actually, Jashin-sama kinda encourages sleeping with whoever you want," he flushed, "but there's damn good reasons for that! And it's not the point!"

He paused, trying to think of what the point _really_ was.

"So?"

"I'm thinking!"

Temari huffed. She strode over to her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. "Well, let me know when you're doing thinking and we can finally end this."

He grabbed her upper arm as she moved to run down the path and she let out a breath she hadn't know she was holding. If he said he didn't want her to go...if he said he wanted this to continue, she doubted she'd be able to walk away. Even if it meant disgracing herself, disgracing her family...she doubted she could avoid being selfish this time.

Temari looked him – looked at the shockingly serious expression on his face. She knew – and he knew – that even if they both agreed to part ways, it would never be that simple.

"You have another chance to write that fucking essay," he said. "Fuck it up this time, and _I_ will ditch _you_, idiot."

Then his face crumpled into petulance. "Aww but Kakuzu took the essay questions back to the head office. For fuck's sake!" He stamped his foot and started walking away, dragging his feet through dead leaves. "He shouldn't be teaching religion _at all_. The guy's about as useful as a diaphragm to a nun. I bet his IQ exactly matches his inseam! And..."

Temari watched him mutter as he walked off down the path and gripped the strap of her bag. She wasn't sure if getting kicked out of uni was a risk she wanted to take. She had no idea if this strange guy was even worth it.

But she was willing to be selfish and give it a try.


End file.
